Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
