cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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