There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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