you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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