I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
