I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
