a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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