This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
