just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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