Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
