I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
