I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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