Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
