Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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