end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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