Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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