There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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