Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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