He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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