If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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