We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
