She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
