Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
