anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
