So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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