she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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