Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fuck appropriateness.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
