i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
