after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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