nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
