I just threw up on my dentist
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
