im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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