So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
