I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You ruined the universe
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
