i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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