Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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