is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
