the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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