he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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