New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
