I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
