He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
