I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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