We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
