You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
