You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
