nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
