I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
