I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's the barista slut.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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