The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
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