now i know why i became what i already was.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
