just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
